I consider myself a storyteller, yet we all know there are three sides to every story and therein lies the truth. In divorce, this couldn’t be more accurate. Every story depends on memory, feelings, and perspective.

I recently came across the term, "divorcelings” in a Psychology Today article. In it, a divorce coach coins this term to describe the party in a divorce that feels “blindsided, ashamed, and traumatized when divorce is put on the table."

She goes on to say that "Divorcelings may use their social networks to create false narratives about their spouse, to alleviate their humiliation about the divorce."

In an example, she cites a husband who refused to accept that his wife wanted a divorce. Unable to deal with his pain, he spread a false story to their pastor and friends that she was having an affair. Her friends stopped calling her and playdates with their children were cancelled. She was left isolated and confused.

This could be my story.

As wise King Solomon remarks on the importance of due diligence in Proverbs 18:17: "A person needs to hear both sides of a case before rendering a decision." Many claims and accusations seem plausible until scrutinized, do they not?

In divorce, the first to tell their narrative appears to have the upper hand. Neighbours, family, co-workers, friends – all hear about the hurt that they have been exposed to, giving way to judgement.

The second party out of the gate usually sounds like they are defending their honour and reputation against fiction and scandal. Truths that will be buried beneath hurt, pain and rejection from the first narrator. They can't help but sound defensive, justifying their position before those standing in judgement.

What I can tell you to be true about my first Ex is that he was a very good father and a good provider.

Yet, the divorce narrative he told was not completely fair and the truth was entombed beneath a damaged, aching heart.

In our Separation Agreement, we even inserted a clause stating that neither party would say anything disparaging about the other. I believe I held up my end of the bargain.

After the matrimonial home sold, I ran into my old neighbour at the grocery store. He gave me a look of disgust and accused me of ruining a "perfect family". He further followed up with an email to reiterate his viewpoint of how I was a home wrecker. I was being rejected in my community.

I will also admit how hurt I was that my family was also hearing one side of the story and accepting it as truth. My sisters went over to my Ex’s new house to help strip wallpaper off the walls and paint. They said it was for the sake of the children.

If that had been true, would they not have offered to help me set up my new home by painting or assembling furniture, or even taking the kids for a weekend while I worked two jobs to make ends meet? I was being rejected by my family, too.

I was being judged for having left the marriage, regardless of the real reasons. Nobody asked. My Ex had been first out of the gate with his narrative, and I felt like I was trapped in a prison of stories that I didn’t even recognize as facts.

And so, while you can’t control another’s behaviour, you can take charge of how you react. That sense of personal power helped me move through the narrative.

I made a decision – I wouldn’t let false allegations get to me. After all, what others thought of me was none of my business.

Rather than arguing with everyone who stood in judgement, NOT arguing about an untruthful narrative was the path I took. I could only hope that someday they would come to know the facts.

It's been 17 years since my divorce, and it was only recently that I received validation from my parents. They simply did not know what I had been living with all those years ago and had no idea how I had been feeling. They finally acknowledged me, and for the first time I felt heard.

They also see my Ex now, who he was and is, and how that narrative affected me all those years ago. They now understand my reason for leaving and my need to heal.

Finally hearing their words of understanding after 17 years of feeling judged based on one narrative was surreal. But it’s been good to be validated. I didn’t know I even wanted it until I got it. It has become the period at the end of a life lived long ago.