The Holidays are approaching, which is a time of excitement and anticipation. It’s a time when the world speeds up only to slow down for just a few days to celebrate with family and friends.

It’s a happy time for many. It’s a sad time for so many others.



I was watching a video today that hit home with me. The bravery that someone publicly showed to millions of people about their story. PLEASE watch it then come back to read this.

Society is struggling. I can’t imagine what people with mental health issues are going through. I don’t understand them but was raised in a family full of them. I am aware that Bi-Polar Disorder or Schizophrenia could affect my children or grandchildren at some point in their lives…or not. I watch them closely.

In 2007, I was sexually assaulted while doing my job. It’s one of the reasons I am adamant that my colleagues take safety seriously when doing their jobs.

The assault messed with my head. Vulnerable and alone, I was anxious, emotional, and severely stressed out over the whole thing. Someone asked me to report the person to the police, but I just didn’t have it in me to deal with that on top of everything else I was going through in my life.

At the end of my emotional tether, I went for counselling. I am grateful that in that one-hour visit the counsellor really saw me, determining I was burned out. I was going through a divorce, working two jobs to make rent, worried about my children, worried about their father and the end of our marriage, feeling like a failure, stretched to fatigue. In that state of exhaustion, I was assaulted. That straw broke my back.

The interesting thing is, that as the counsellor is telling me I am burned out, I didn’t see it. I didn’t see what she saw at all and struggled with this news. She suggested a vacation. A vacation?! How could I take time from two jobs, hand my children over to their father, and scrape up money for a vacation? That thought added more stress to my already-fragile mind. I conceded.

I carefully planned a stay-cation - a sabbatical of sorts - that took me to a bed & breakfast two hours from home. Less than ninety minutes of driving later, I couldn’t handle life anymore and pulled over on a back country road. There, I sobbed and cried. I had reached the empty in my tank. I stayed there for over an hour, melting.

When I finally arrived at my destination, I locked myself in my suite. I spent three days crying, bathing, sleeping, and journaling. I wrote long letters that were never to be seen to my ex, my children, my parents, and my family. I slept for hours on end in the middle of the day. I ventured out for breakfast, ate in silence, and went back to the safety of my room. My host couldn’t figure me out, but by the fourth day, I was ready to wander out of my room and into the local village.

It took three days of grieving and purging, breaking and reflecting to finally feel like stepping out. Many adventures happened on that trip that helped me heal, including listening to, encouraging and supporting a complete stranger who was at the beginning of her own divorce journey. Even in my brokenness, I was given the opportunity to help her. It, in turn, gave me hope.

After a week away, I finally had a newfound energy to head home to hug my babies and engage in life again. I was brave enough to seek help before I spiralled into a deep hole and for that, I am grateful. I am grateful to my counsellor Susan who saw me and nudged me in the right direction. She may have saved me.

So, how do you cope when the colour from your life drains into the grey?

I tell you my story to show you that I may look okay on the outside, but I’ve had my own struggles where I felt like a failure and a burden. Suicide did not cross my mind, thank goodness, but deep profound sadness was part of my journey, and with deep sadness comes irrational thoughts. I am pulling the curtain back so that you can see a small piece of my picture.

I have been exposed to suicide from afar. When I was young, a friend went for a drive in his car and parked it in a gravel pit. They found his body a week later.

Police tape off my neighbour’s house. He had gone into the basement with a gun and never returned. His wife was a widow after forty years of marriage and never left the home again until her eventual death from old age.

Another neighbour goes into his garage and never comes out. His wife finds him sitting in his car hours later. It’s too late.



A father, divorce imminent after thirty-five years of marriage, decides to take his life. His daughter keeps him on the phone while the police locate and save him. He checks into a facility to get well and does. He’s one of the lucky ones.

When I have spoken to the few who have contemplated suicide, they often find themselves in a dark pit of despair. In financial ruin and can’t see a way out, or they feel like they are a burden to loved ones, doing everyone a favour. Another where profound grief overtakes them, and they just can’t go on. Addiction, hopelessness, trauma – so many stories to tell.

I don’t even pretend to know the answers. Perhaps we need to stop judging those who are in pain. We need to reach out and talk. When people struggle with mental health issues, it’s often invisible. 

Just because we can’t see it happening - doesn’t mean the pain isn’t real. The WHY doesn’t matter. What matters is that they may be crumbling inside.

If you are in pain right now – PLEASE hear me - there’s a difference between wanting to end the pain that you feel and wanting to end your life. 

You can end the pain - without ending your life.

We want you here. Stay with us.

Maggie xox

Volunteers are standing by to help you. They really want to help you. Just pick up the phone and call any of the numbers below:

Wellness Together Canada 1-866-585-0445
Talk Suicide Canada 1-833-456-4566

Kids Help Phone 1800-668-6868

Hope for Wellness 1-855-242-3310