You have kids. Your partner has kids. Things are getting serious.

You want to take the next step and move in together; maybe even marry. How will the kids react to having new siblings?

I grew up watching The Brady Bunch. Two families joined together by marriage. Carol and her three girls; Mike and his three boys. While some early episodes touched on the difficulties of adjusting to a blended family, the show’s comedy generally focused on the trials and tribulations of adolescents growing up. The Bradys were portrayed as a normal, wholesome American middle-class family.

Mike was a widower and Carol was divorced, although I don’t ever remember her ex-husband being in the picture. That kept things neat and tidy from an extended family perspective. No sharing of parenting duties or other conflicts to deal with.

But if you are blending a family with ex-spouses still in the picture and shared custody arrangements, there are a host of additional storylines you must manage. And we haven’t even got to whether or not the children get along!

In The Brady Bunch, the children on each side matched up in age, went to the same schools and basically interacted as most siblings do, even forming their own pop group.

But life rarely unfolds as it does on TV.

So what is the best way to manage a blending of families in the real world?

First off, there is no “best” way because your situation is not like everyone else’s. There are too many variables to consider. How many kids are involved? What are their ages? Do they live with you full time or is it a shared arrangement? Are you moving into his/her house or are you buying a new one together? The list goes on.

Before you reach the point of “blending” however, there is the point where you introduce the children in the relationship. When and how you do this will depend on the age of the children. The younger the kids the more gently you will want to ease into this as they may find it a confusing time and may think their other parent is being replaced.

Depending on how long you’ve been divorced, don’t rush to introduce your kids to your new partner until you’re sure about them. Some experts suggest waiting at least three months. Kids are sensitive and more susceptible to feelings of sadness or rejection if things don’t work out.

When you are ready to make a commitment to a new partner and join your families together, here are some great tips from Rosalind Sedacca, a divorce and parenting coach:

1. Be patient - give both sides time to adjust.
2. Plan ahead - before you move in together, set agreements and expectations, discuss family rules and rituals to avoid any surprises.
3. Don’t discipline your partner’s children - leave that to the biological parent(s).
4. Expect jealousy - your love and attention is now being spread out. Keep the lines of communication open.
5. Address challenges - use family meetings to bring challenges into the open and discuss them together.
6. Be yourself - avoid overcompensating or compromising due to feelings of guilt or the desire to be accepted.
7. Be flexible - prepare to adapt as you go along, learning from what works and what doesn’t.
8. Respect the other parent - honour their place in their child’s life. There is room for everyone.

Bringing two families together can be very rewarding when handled with care and sensitivity. With patience and understanding and above all, communication, you can make it work and be richer for it. It may not turn out like the Brady Bunch, but then again, why not?