You've said the words outloud. Maybe they tumbled out during an argument, or maybe you'd been rehearsing them for months. Either way, they're out there now, hanging in the air like smoke after fireworks. And suddenly, instead of feeling relieved, you're terrified. Did I just blow up my entire life?

If this sounds familiar, take a breath. You're not alone, and you're definitely not crazy.

I've been exactly where you are. Twice, actually. And as someone who now helps divorcing couples navigate the real estate maze in Ontario, I can tell you that the panic you're feeling right now? It's actually a good sign. It means you're taking this seriously.

The Questions Nobody Wants to Ask

Before you move forward (or backward), there are some hard questions you need to sit with. Not the "does he still love me?" kind of question, but the practical, unglamorous realities that will shape your actual life after divorce.

Can you afford to live alone? I'm not talking about scraping by on ramen noodles. I mean really afford it. Housing costs in Ontario aren't getting any cheaper, and what works for two incomes rarely works for one. When my first marriage ended, I thought I had it all figured out — until I discovered I couldn’t qualify for a mortgage on my income alone. Suddenly, I was relying on the kindness of friends for a place to live.

Run the real numbers. What's your income versus your expenses? What will child support or spousal support look like? Can you buy out your spouse's share of the matrimonial home, or will you need to sell and split the proceeds? Talk to a financial advisor before you talk to a lawyer. Trust me on this.

Where will you actually live? This is my wheelhouse, and it's messier than people think. If you own a home together, someone's moving out. Who? When? How will you divide the equity? What if you want to stay but can't afford the mortgage payments alone? What if the market softens and you’re suddenly sharing a house with your ex for months while it sells?

I've seen couples who planned to "figure it out later" end up in nightmare scenarios - living in separate bedrooms, fighting over thermostats, stuck in limbo. I’ve even seen the Ex pushed into living with the in-laws! These are not edge cases - they are common. Have the housing conversation early, even if it’s uncomfortable. Especially if it’s uncomfortable.

Do you have a support system? And I don't mean your mom who says, "I never liked him anyway." I mean people who will help you move, watch your kids when you need to ugly cry, or lend you money for a damage deposit. Divorce is expensive and exhausting. You will need backup — emotionally, practically, and sometimes financially.

When I went through my first divorce, I learned the hard way that some friendships don't survive the split. People take sides. Mutual friends disappear. That’s why it matters to pause and make sure you have your own people — not just cheerleaders, but steady, reliable support — before everything shifts.

The Emotional Inventory

Here's the thing nobody tells you: divorce doesn't fix everything. If you're miserable because of your marriage, great. Leave. But if you're miserable because of deeper issues like depression, unfulfilling work, or loneliness? Those are coming with you like broken luggage.

Ask yourself honestly: Am I leaving because this relationship is broken, or am I running away from myself?

The Kids Factor

If you have children, their world is about to shift. They'll need stability, consistency, and maybe some therapy. Can you co-parent with this person? What will custody look like? How will you handle holidays, school events, birthday parties?

The Practical Reality Check

Give yourself permission to feel uncertain. Asking for a divorce and then freaking out doesn't mean you're weak or indecisive. It means you're human and you're realizing the weight of what you're doing.

But here's what you can't do: you can't unring this bell and pretend nothing happened. 

Whether you move forward with the divorce or choose to try to rebuild your marriage, that conversation has changed things. If you stay, it will likely require counselling and real, mutual commitment to change. If you leave, you need a plan — emotionally, legally, and practically.

Final Thoughts: Moving Forward (Whatever That Means)

Take time to think, but don't let yourself get stuck. Talk to professionals: a lawyer, a financial advisor, a therapist. If property is involved, speak with a real estate agent - not the one who’s eager to sell your house, but the one who wants to know if you have a place to land first. Get information so you can make informed decisions, not panicked ones.

And remember: making a mistake isn't the end of the world. I've made plenty. What matters is what you do next.



If you’re facing a divorce and feeling unsure about what to do with your home, I’m always happy to talk through your situation and help you understand your options.