“Out with the old and in with the new” is easier said than done after a breakup, especially if you’ve been together for a long time. Everything seems to hold a memory. Some good…some not so good. When you’re in the midst of a divorce, trying to sort through and divide possessions can be overwhelming.

Often - as was the case for me - you are quarrelling over items that you worked hard to acquire, have sentimental or monetary value, or were yours before the marriage. Whatever the reason, we feel we need to hang on to things...or the memory of things.

But the truth is that holding onto things can stop us from moving forward. Whether you’re staying in the marital home or starting over in a new one, it’s important to make it your own. And that starts with letting go of those items that remind you of the past.

As I said at the beginning, that can be easier said than done. It may not be in your budget to furnish your home with all new things so you may need to hang onto some items out of necessity. Where that’s the case, look for ways you can transform those items into your own.

A new coat of paint can change the look and feel of a dresser or table. Reupholster or cover a sofa with new fabric and throw pillows to give it new life. And if you’re staying in the matrimonial home, give rooms a fresh coat of paint, rearrange furniture, change out light fixtures, hang new artwork - put your personal touches throughout.

This is also an excellent time to declutter. Get rid of things you no longer need or clothes you no longer wear or like.  A new life often inspires a new look and style, so not only will this give you more space for the new things that you like, it will also help clear your mind and give you room to move on.

Whether it’s your existing home or a new home, you now have the freedom to make your own choices, without compromise. This is your chance to make your home your own. As you sort through your belongings and what you want to take with you, ask yourself if they fit with the new you. If they don’t, let them go.

Those things that I wanted so badly from my first marriage ended up just being reminders of a past that I’d moved on from and their ‘sentimental’ or ‘monetary’ value no longer mattered. They became a weight on my shoulders. Today, not one of those items remains in my life.  I’ve embraced a new life and ridding myself of those items made me feel lighter.